Nowadays, I am back working full-time and my daughter is four. Image by Michelle Nash Commit to Making Creating Space for Friendship I’ve realized that if I want to be having playdates for my daughter, if I want to be going to dinner with other couples we like, or if I want to meet someone for a drink, I need to make that happen for myself instead of sitting around and wishing someone would invite me to do it.
I know that it also makes other people feel good when I invite them to do things, and so I accept that this is a time in my life where I might be initiating a lot of the hanging out, and I’m fine with that. I like to be invited to things because it makes me feel good. When that happens, I remember that if someone doesn’t want to hang out with me, they will say so (or decline an invitation)! Sometimes, I feel resentment start to build up if it seems like people aren’t initiating hanging out. My husband and I invite people for dinner, we have playdates, and we plan trips. I have people over to our house all the time. Well, I can confidently say that I’ve learned to let that go-and it’s definitely paid off. In the past, if I put effort into initiating things, I expected the other person to do the same.
IM FINE SAVE ME HOW TO
When it came to learning how to make friends as an adult, there was an unspoken obstacle I knew I needed to overcome. Image by Kelly Scogin Go After What You Want
The experience taught me that I didn’t have to instantly love someone for it to turn into a relationship down the line. I kept inviting them to hang out and a few of those friendships took off. On the other hand, there were also those playdates where I sort of clicked with the person. I had playdates with people I didn’t click with, and that was fine-I just moved on. Part of this simply comes with the territory of learning how to make friends as an adult. But here’s the thing: I survived the awkward, uncomfortable moments all in the name of friendship-and trust me, you will too. It was uncomfortable at first, and there were definitely some where the conversation didn’t flow. I started having other moms from our preschool over for playdates. I have always been the kind of person who mostly had other friends who were like me (a tattooed hipster with a very large coffee permanently in my hand). For one thing, I just didn’t know how to go about it. When I decided I was going to try to make more friends, I felt overwhelmed and stressed by the prospect. If you are feeling like I was, read on for some of the insights I’ve gleaned over My Year of Friendship-plus the steps I took to learning how to make friends as an adult. So, I decided that 2021 would be the year of building relationships, and *spoiler* I’ve succeeded! I have several close friends who are moms, but honestly, there’s so much else that bonds us. I also knew that my toddler’s life would be enriched if I could extend myself. I didn’t feel particularly lonely, but I did feel like it was something that was lacking in my life. When I left that career to go on a year-long maternity leave, I realized that I hadn’t cultivated any female friendships in my new city. After leaving that job and moving to Austin, I dedicated myself to building a career. I spent a big part of my twenties working at Starbucks, a job where you inherit a group of friends and a community. I had always been someone who makes friends easily, but sort of just by circumstance. I am a pretty classic introvert, and I would run in and out of the preschool pick-up, sunglasses and baseball cap on. If you’re wondering whether or not I knew how to make friends as an adult, well, hopefully that description provides enough insight. I looked around and realized that I had lots of acquaintances but very few close friends and NO friends with kids. In the summer of 2020, that left me in a strange place. Over the course of seven years, I moved to a new city, had a new baby, and left my 9-5.
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